5 Things I've Learned Since Going Self Employed as a Parent Carer

It was August 2019 and I had officially landed at rock bottom. I was physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. That, then had an impact on my self confidence, my sense of identity and my perception of self-worth.

That month, I'd been all over the show with 12 appointments between my then 8 and 5 year old boys. Luke, my eldest lives with Duchenne muscular dystrophy, Autism , Dyslexia & Dyscalculia and Coen, my youngest was, at that time displaying lots of symptoms of sensory issues and emotional health problems, which we'd only this year finally get a diagnosis of DCD for.

Just 8 months prior, my Mum, who was also my entire support system, passed away just 6 days after a completely unexpected cancer diagnosis. She had been babysitting my kids while I worked right up until 14 days before she died.  I was reeling in grief. Luke and I were flying over to England every week for his weekly infusions of a drug that we hoped would slow down his progressive and life shortening muscle wasting condition (Duchenne muscular dystrophy). I received an epilepsy diagnosis while my Mum was in hospital. I was trying to be a perfect mum, a perfect employee, a perfect friend and everything in between. I was trying my best to hold it together and show up professionally in work, but it was getting harder and harder and there was no sign of respite in sight.

Everyone told me it would be totally understandable if I became a full time mum/ carer, and honestly, it kind of felt that it was the only way I was going to get out of the situation alive.

But, I remembered how I felt on maternity leave. I loved my time off with the boys but I also felt like I was losing not just my sanity but also brain power :-). I'd worked hard to move myself from a timid shy girl, to a professional business development consultant & trainer. I'd also held lots of voluntary leadership roles. I didn't want to abandon all of that. I didn't want to scrimp by on Carers Allowance. I didn't want to be at home on my own all day every day.

I wanted to be able to buy the boys nice things and take them on holiday, after-all I was all too aware of just how short life is. Making memories was and still remains really important to me, I think that being able to do that, will help to make things more tolerable when I lose my son (Duchenne is a life shortening condition). I was scared to even contemplate going out on my own but I know that my current working arrangement was untenable.

Since 2007, I'd been helping other people to start up their own businesses, and at the end of August 2019, I decided it was now my turn. I decided that self employment was the only viable option and so, I burned my ships (not something I'd recommend) and went out on my own to either make it as a self employed parent carer or become a full time carer to my son.

I'll talk more about the actual journey in other blogs, but I have been able to create a business that enables me to work around caring and to generate a decent income that doesn't have me relying on Carers Allowance and that keeps Luke's ever expanding vintage collection growing (have I mentioned that the child is obsessed with vintage gramophones, record players, suitcases, cameras, typewriters etc? LOL).

Here are the 5 things I've learned along the way that I think you'll find useful if you're finding yourself on the precipice of leaving work to start a business so that you can work around caring for your child or children with additional or complex needs.

1 - Done in better than perfect. 

You don't need a perfect website, a perfect logo, a perfect product or service. You don't need to have everything all figured out. You do need to have something that people will pay for, you need to tell those people about it and you need to make enough money to make it worthwhile. None of that needs perfection. You can start right now from where you are with what you've got and build from there. Action point: If you had to leave work tomorrow and use the skills, knowledge & resources you have right now to make money, what the easiest most imperfect thing you could do? (For me, that was connecting with my contacts who deliver training which enables me to earn a decent amount in much less time that it would have taken me to earn it in my 9-5 and my own private strategy days).

2 - It's OK that your personal non-negotiables come first.

Experience as a business advisor has shown me that when professional women become self-employed, they carry the old beliefs about how things should be done from their 9-5 into their new venture. Sometimes that how services are delivered, sometimes it's working hours, sometimes it's the people they serve through their work. But, if you're going to hold onto those old ways of doing things, then you should probably just stay in the 9-5 - you get paid every month, you maybe get company sick pay, paid holidays and all the other perks of being an employee. My guess though, is that those things aren't congruent with everything you have going on at home. So, how can you make working work for you? Action Point: Get clear on your personal non-negotiables and get them scheduled so that you ideate on how your business will operate from a place that's realistic for you. Whether it's the school runs, prepping for the evening straight after the school run or attending appointments, get it all written down and begin to build your offers around the time you have left. Yes, I know, that's never what you'll hear from traditional business mentors, but most of them don't get the juggle struggle. (For me, my available hours are 9.15am-2.10pm Monday-Thursday except school holidays, with flexibility to work some evenings when appointments or school holidays come up).

3 - Don't sweat the small stuff.

And by that I mean the stuff that doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. If making a few calls will make it more likely that you'll earn some cash in the business, then do that instead of spending hours on creating amazing Instagram reels. I know that social media expert has told you that you'll be invisible if you're not on Insta everyday but that's a bit of a sweeping statement and won't be advice that's specifically tailored to your unique goals. Don't spend your days watching competitors and trying to figure out how you can be better, focus on the value you give instead. And the smallest thing of all - other people's opinions. Unless you specifically ask for someone's opinion, what other's think about what you're doing, really has nothing to do with you and is absolutely not a reason for you to hold yourself back. As a parent carer, your energy matters, focus on the important stuff for your business and your family. Action Point: What are you doing right now that really isn't helping to move you forward at all? Make a plan to stop it and replace it with a useful task instead - or you know, pour yourself a cuppa instead and enjoy that little bit of extra time - it's kinda precious.

4 - Hourly rates are so last decade.

Let's by honest, after doing that non-negotiables task, you've just realised how little time you actually have to make this business work, am I right? You've maybe already calculated how much you'll be able to earn by multiplying your hourly rate by the time you have available and are not really feeling inspired. You're figuring you'll have to work every night and weekend to make it work. Well, there is good news! Say what you like about technology but it has created opportunities to reach wider audiences and deliver online or one-t0-many services that mean you can ditch the hourly rate and create something that's scaleable. Now! Let me honest here. I'm making it sound easy and it's definitely not easy to create and scale an online business. It takes time, effort and perseverance but it will be worth it. Some options to consider are online courses and programmes to share your knowledge, subscription offers, group services and offers. Action Point: If you've been thinking about pricing your services per hour, grab a piece of paper and jot down all of the ways you can think of that will enable you to create an offer that doesn't work on a time for money model. A really good place to start is to look at how you can package your knowledge and skills to a wide audience.

5 - Well Mum = Well kids.

It's not easy to switch off when you run your own business, it's on your mind all the time. It's not easy to manage appointments and caring for a child with complex needs, it's on your mind all the time. It can feel like you're juggling too many balls and inevitably some get dropped. There's one ball you really should take extra care with though, and that's you! Managing your own well-being, health and mindset is a priority because you can't help others when you're drowning yourself. In August 2019, I was drowning and all the balls were falling. It was only when I asked for help, and began to take control of my own health and well-being, that I started catching all the balls again. Make time for self care practices, ask for help when you're overwhelmed, go outside and scream when the notion takes you (maybe not in the middle of the street lol). I'd love to say I go outside with my tea and a journal every morning, but lets be honest, I'm always late for the school run, or there are hospital appointments or I have an early call, but as much as possible, I start my day with a cup of tea outside - I'm lucky enough to live in the country and have a beautiful view). Sometimes it's 5 minutes sometimes it's 20, but it's always a little bit of time for me to ground myself, practice gratitude and just breathe. Action Point: Decide on a 5 minute self-care practice that you will implement as often as possible.

If you'd like support to start or grow your business as a carer/ SEND Mum, get in touch (claire@claireohanloncoaching.com) regarding my 1-2-1 strategy sessions, strategy days and group strategy labs. Also, make sure you're on our mailing list so that you're the first to know when the Carer Mums at Work Community is open.